i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
