Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
