I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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