i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
