Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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