I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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