i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
