alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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