I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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