hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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