his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
