They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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