his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
