Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
