Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
