I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize