I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
