sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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