as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
