I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
