God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize