did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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