It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize