it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
