hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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