doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize