tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
