Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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