Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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