There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
