Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
