when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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