Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
