I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
