Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize