You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
