so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
