I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
