so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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