my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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