Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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