At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize