he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
