When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
