I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
