god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
