I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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