Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
