you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
