Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
