**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
