I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
