Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
