Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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