This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
