Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
