i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
