took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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