Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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