1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
