If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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