i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I could have mohawked her pubes.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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