I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
