First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
