we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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