Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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