At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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