Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
