If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
