dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I puked a lego.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
