I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
