last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
