Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
